Our unborn baby, apparently practicing her/his bicycle kicks, woke my wife up Friday night, so, like any supportive (or light sleeping) husband, I also woke up. While lying in bed, I decided to try and bore my my wife back to sleep with an update on the recent Jay Cutler, Josh McDaniels, and Matt Cassel man-love triangle. While explaining it, I created an analogy to summarize my take on the situation in terms she'd appreciate, i.e. Leonardo DiCaprio's love life.
Leo has clearly led a charmed life, making great movies (and a ton of cash) at a young age and spending significant time dating Gisele during the height of her supermodel-ness. Similarly, McDaniels has had nothing but success in his short coaching career in New England, riding Tom Brady's (ironically, Gisele in this analogy) coattails to three championships.
As we all know, Leo and Gisele eventually broke up, and he began dating a relatively unknown, yet very impressive Bar Refaeli. Equally, when McDaniels lost Brady, a unknown young QB, Matt Cassel, stepped in and played impressively.
Now, for the sake of argument, lets say Leo and Bar break up, and Leo begins dating Brooklyn Decker (Cutler here), an established, yet still up and coming supermodel not yet on the level of Gisele, Marissa Miller (Big Ben...unconventional but a physical phenomenon and reigning champion), Heidi Klum (Peyton Manning...overexposed yet still a legend), Alessandra Ambrosio (Drew Brees...overshadowed but highly "productive"), or Adriana Lima (Phillip Rivers...sort of crazy).
In this fake scenario, by all accounts, Leo should be thrilled. He's dating a gorgeous blond that still has years of supermodel upside. The guys out there dating Elle McPherson (Brett Favre...past his prime), Naomi Campbell (Donavon McNabb...sensitive and unpredictable), or Kate Moss (Eli Manning...vastly overrated) would love to have Decker and her considerable upside. But Leo just can't get Bar off his mind and keeps going on and on about her to anyone that will listen. Then one day, behind Brooklyn's back, Leo attempts to get back together with Bar right before she starts dating George Clooney (the Chiefs). But he's too late, and Clooney seals the deal with a trip to Mexico (most "experts" feel it would take at least a trip to Greece to woo Bar, but Clooney is in tight with Bar's modeling agency).
To add insult to injury, Bar's modeling agency (the Patriots) leak word of Leo's actions to the press (my theory on how the Cassel to the Broncos story got out). Now, Brooklyn gets pretty ticked off, even though Leo half-heartedly assures her that he "wants to make it work," it's too late and the damage is done. Brooklyn forces his hand, and he has to break up with her. Now he's stuck degrading himself to the actress circuit and chosing between Paris Hilton (Chris Simms...living off the family name), Hillary Swank (Kyle Orton...is he good or not), and Amanda Bynes (Mark Sanchez...lots of potential but unproven), while all along he had a sure thing in Brooklyn Decker.
Who knows, actresses may be great companions, but they're no supermodels.
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